• Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
• A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked “How much is 2+2?”
The housewife replies: “Four!”.
The accountant says: “I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.”
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”
As a lawyer, particularly in criminal law, you really do have to try to tell your story to the jury and hope that the judge makes rulings that allows your story to get through.
– Marcia Clark